Trust

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Well, this little story is a story of trust. You see, I am sitting at this keyboard with nothing but faith and trust to lead me as to what to write on this page. For years and years, when I have asked for God’s guidance, one word came back to me - “Write”. That seemed to be very clear; the Lord wanted me to write. That’s great news, except that there were no other instructions.

When I responded, “OK God, I’ll write. What should I write?” There was a long silence. For years and years – just silence.

This morning, I sat on the beach for an hour or so thinking, praying, listening to the sounds of the ocean, seeking guidance. Still, I got that one word – “Write”.

I came home, got in the shower, prayed some more for guidance – “Write” – that was the response. Except that this time when I said, “God I don’t know what to write”, I got a response. “Trust me. Why don’t you trust me? I won’t give you a task to do that I won’t help you complete.”

So, that it how I came to be sitting at this keyboard on this Saturday morning. Any words that come to me, I know – I trust – I believe – are coming to me from the Lord. I surely don’t have enough direction to find my path by myself. I know, though, that if, indeed, the Lord wants me to write, He will make my path straight. He always has – when I listen to Him.

Years ago, when I was in high school (years and years ago), I wrote a short story for a creative writing assignment. My teacher didn’t pass my paper back to me with the others in the class. She waited, seeked me out in study hall and handed me the paper directly to me. She told me that I had a gift. She wanted to print my short story in the annual creative writing publication for the school. I was in high school and being asked permission to have something that I wrote to be published! What an honor, right? Well, not for me. I told her no. I was too embarrassed that someone, somewhere in that school would laugh at me for writing that simple story.

Wow! God’s face must have fallen a mile! Here He had handed me – at a very early age – a great opportunity. He had given me this gift. He had given me an opportunity to use it. He had made sure that someone who could expand my horizons recognized my gift. He offered me an opportunity to grow in that gift, to share it with others, to be published – for heaven’s sake! And I said “Thanks, but no thanks!”

I know that that was not the first time that I had disappointed Him. It certainly wasn’t the last. But now, here I am 40 years later and He is still offering me the opportunity. All I have to do is trust Him. Why do I find that so hard.

A dear friend once said that if God wants us to do something, He would call us to do it. If we don’t listen, He will call us again, and again, and again until we hear Him and answer. For 40 years, God has called me to use the gift that He gave me to write. He has put people in my path who have told me that they love my stories, people who have told me that I should write my stories down, people who have told me that I should write a book. But, I didn’t listen. God has whispered one word to me for over 40 years – “Write”. I don’t know why He didn’t just throw His Almighty hands in the air and turn His back on me. I don’t know why He didn’t just mark me up as a hopeless, hard headed, bull headed woman. But, He didn’t. He kept whispering that one word.

It has always been a little baffling to me that when Jesus walked up to the Disciples and said “Follow Me” they just dropped what they were doing, left all that they had and all those they loved and followed Jesus. I wonder if I could ever trust someone that much. Jesus isn’t asking me to give up a thing but a little time that I generally spend sitting on the couch. He is asking me to do something that I love to do. Yet for years, I have not heeded His call. And of all times and places, He chose the place to make sure that His words finally reached me in my shower – not at the oceanside, not in quiet prayer, not on top of one of His majestic mountains, but in the shower! I always have known that God has a sense of humor.

So here’s what I know. If you are reading this – and if something in these readings touches you – then I know that this is the right path and the purpose is to touch others. But, even if no one reads it except those close to me and me myself – the path is still set. I am writing to gain confidence in myself, grow my faith, and to learn complete loving trust in the Lord.

And look, I’m on page 2 – just that quick.

Thank you, Lord, for never giving up on me, even when I give up on myself. Thank you for the gifts that you have given me. Let me use the ones that you have made known to me. Show me the way to find the gifts that you have waiting for me. And lead me to seek ways to use my gifts to your Glory. Amen.