Recognizing Miracles

Over 15 years ago, I made some big decisions and moves in my life.  This post describes the time just after that move and the lessons that I learned during that time.

For I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to prosper you and give you hope for the future. Jeremiah 29:11

I was always a child with little inner confidence. I was afraid to look at the teacher because I may be called on to read aloud in school. I never quite made it to the front line in ballet or in the school chorus. I didn’t make the cut for the service clubs in school. I don’t think I was ever a teacher’s pet – nor was I an outstanding student or spelling bee winner. I was always pretty average – if that advanced!

God has plans for each of us. He certainly had plans for me as He took me down this path called life. Sometimes we don’t know how his plans for us come together until we travel down that road a bit. It’s pretty interesting when we turn around and look back and see how our difficulties and triumphs made us who we are and got us where we need to be.

We all have our paths to travel. We all have our stories. We all can name some of the determining factors of our lives. I love to look back down the road that I traveled to take notice of the little things that made me who I am. The teeny, tiny little things ways that God made His presence known to me. Those small steps that gave me confidence and faith to go where He leads me. Those are the moments that amaze me.

When I was small, I thought that a miracle came with loud crashing thunder and a bright light from which the voice of God rang out. I thought that miracles were huge, magnificent wishes that suddenly appeared before me. I thought that a miracle would come to me as God appeared and said, “Lula Mildred, the boy of your dreams is waiting at the edge of your driveway to sweep you away. But please, don’t trip over you brand new convertible as you rush out to his arms.” Why, thank you, God, I would reply. But, alas…. Those miracles never came to be. Why no miracles for me, God?

Time changed me.  Time and faith.

As I traveled down that road called life, I began to pause and look back.  I was amazed at the miracles that had occurred that I hadn’t even seen.

Of course, I saw the birth of my three children as I looked back down that road of life.  Those miracles were more like the thunder and bright light and the voice of God putting those babies in my arms.  There was no question about the presence of Christ in those babies –  or in the adults that they have become.

God used those children to give me many lessons in pure love – and patience.

In December of 1990, one of my favorite aunts was buried on my 40th birthday.
On St. Patricks Day of 1991, my beloved mother in law died.
My husband and I separated in November of that year.
In December, my father died.
And my husband and I reconciled on very rocky grounds.
The day after my father’s funeral, we couldn’t get my mother to wake up. We took her to the hospital where we were told that she had pneumonia and may not live through the night.   She lived for five weeks in the hospital before she died.
In October one of my very best friends, Mike died suddenly on his way back to work from lunch. His heart stopped beating. He was 45.

Pretty rough couple of years. I wallowed in self pity for quite a while. For quite a while!

God used that time to teach me the value of life and of letting those you love know how you value them.

The next year, my two older children went off to college.
And I moved to a new city with my younger daughter.
That move ended a 26 year marriage.

And I found out that I was not at the bottom of the pit of depression that I had fallen into earlier – I had been just on a ledge. I fell further into the pit after the move.

I knew one family, one daughter and a couple of her friends from college in Wilmington when I moved there.
And my daughter was none too pleased that I had moved to her college town.
She was also very angry that her family no longer existed as she knew it.

I had three beautiful children who were shattered that their parents were divorcing.  Two were angry. One was so angry that she wanted nothing to do with me.

Life was lonely, sad, and full of fear.  Especially lonely.

During that time, I had no one to talk to except God.  So, I did a lot of talking – and pleading – and whining. Eventually, I got tired of talking and I listened a bit too.

During that time, God taught me that He is always there with me. No matter what, I am never alone.

As I adjusted to life in Wilmington, I began to become active in my church. I worked with the Youth, volunteering to be a chaperone of events. As a youth leader, I had to lead prayers and read Bible passages and stories aloud. I was the child who never made eye contact with the teacher because I didn’t want to have to  read aloud in class, remember? So, no one was more surprised than I was when I was praying and reading aloud to teenagers  on Sunday nights. I couldn’t show them my fear.  I had to encourage each of those young people that there was nothing that they couldn’t do.  It wouldn’t do for me to teach them confidence by telling them I was afraid.

During that time, God taught me strength.  He taught me to overcome fear.  He taught me that there were many things that I could do that I didn’t think I could.

Through my work with the youth, I gained confidence in myself.   My work with those young people wasn’t so much for me to guide them through life. 

God used them to help me strengthen my confidence – and my faith.
And He blessed me with family, friends, and an abounding faith.

I made it through those difficult years. And when I look back, I see a life full of miracles – not the loud thunder and flash of lightning kind of miracles, the quite miracles that came in the silence.
When I talked to God – and He talked to me.
When He guided me through the pain of death, illness, depression, divorce, estrangement from my 
children, loneliness, and questioning everything about myself.
When He led me to hope, reconciliation, friendship, and confidence.

The Lord indeed has plans for me. Plans to prosper me and give me hope for the future. I just can’t wait to see what He has in mind tomorrow.

Lord, thank you. Thank you for the mountains that you have carried me over. And thank you for the future that you have for me tomorrow. Most of all, Lord, thank you for walking with me holding my hand – and for carrying me when I am too weak to take another step. Amen